1. |
Boat Trip [E]
04:05
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Blinded by the notion that my third eye was wide open
I strove to be the most fucked up one in the room
All irony was lost on me, cheap malt liquor + shitty weed
Suppose it's what I thought I ought to do
But trouble tends to just breed more,
morals loosened till ignored,
I watched him go for the second time eye level with the floor
In the wake of my new consciousness, I took it upon myself to risk
a life I'd only seen in shades of gold;
Looked for love in strangers' arms, left melancholy and lukewarm
I ignored the red flags waving past the bridge of my nose
What was it that I had hoped I find?
Could I commit to a peace of mind?
What if the narrative I was looking for was of a different kind?
Placed upon a pedestal of painted hypotheticals,
a scarlet letter glued to its base
Wires crossed and egos bruised left me weary, tired, and used
You asked me why I kissed you,
but you read it all over my face
Stranded thirty miles from home, the smell of pine and honeycomb
We shared a bed but I never felt more desperately alone
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2. |
Annie
02:37
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Annie says she loves me, Annie says she cares
Annie loves the way I run my fingers through my hair
Annie says she loves to take the breath right from me,
says I look the sweetest when I'm sad
Said she likes to pull the rug from right under me
Tell me that you think I'm bad
Annie makes me wish I was dead,
but she fits so nicely inside of my head
Running around those pieces of gray until
I can't recall if it was always that way,
but Annie says she loves me so I guess it's okay, it's okay
Annie says they love me, Annie says they care
Annie loves to whisper to me when they start to stare
Annie says that she needs me and I need her,
it's all for her that my heart beats and why it hurts
Annie don't you leave me, oh, I need you to stay
Keep the demons away
Annie makes me wish I was dead,
but she fits so nicely inside of my head
Running around those pieces of gray until
I can't recall if it was always that way,
but Annie says she loves me so I guess it's okay, it's okay
It's okay
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3. |
Paradox
03:33
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I'm sorry she said, threw a rock from the garden bed
I felt my cheeks getting red
I'm sorry, I couldn't find better words in my head so I fled
Oh, I fled like a little bird scared of her own sound
Will I see you around, will I see you around?
Cause I tell you the song sounds different when you're not here
a half-forgotten tune that slips out of the ear
like sand through cracks in the wall;
I never wanted to leave the sea at all
But the thoughts and the fears, both the real and perceived
Lead me to conclusions I'd like to believe
so I'll hum a fragment of a tune so I can feel close to you
so I can do what I want
Drink when I want, and smoke when I can
Dive into something irrelevant to a man, yeah,
cause love has caused me nothing but heartache and pain
Least I'd like to paint it that way, cause that way
I could justify being so bad -- making you cry over what we had
So I'll throw and I'll yell, but I'll never quite shake
Feeling that hell is the feelings we make
Oh the song sounds different when you're not here
a half forgotten tune that slips out of the ear
like sand through cracks in the wall;
I never wanted to leave the sea at all
But the thoughts and the fears, both the real and perceived
Lead me to conclusions I'd like to believe
so I'll hum a fragment of a tune so I can feel close to you
so I can do what I want
But what to do? Can't I have my cake and eat it too?
Oh I tell you, the song sounds different when you're not here
a half forgotten tune that slips out of the ear
like sand through cracks in the wall;
I never wanted to leave the sea at all
But the thoughts and the fears, both the real and perceived
Lead me to conclusions I'd like to believe
so I'll hum a fragment of a tune so I can feel close to you
so I can do what I want
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4. |
Guest Room
04:36
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I had to bury you again today
I picked out petals from piles of dirt,
moved all the rocks out of the way,
then I replaced them with hurt
My tongue tingles with words it's still wanting to say
Squeeze a bit tighter the lid of a bell jar
I hold your lighter so you can pick up an acoustic guitar
I tripped on shrooms in silence for hours,
cause I thought I would bore you
Looking ahead at a doorway that I've relinquished power to step through
The dog days delivered the death of the love I had guarded
A love that I had tried to protect,
but with distance departed
And all of my hemming and hawing explained
the incessant gnawing at the back of my brain
and inside of my bones --
that although I set my things down in your foyer,
the walls started caving when I said I'd stay
cause you never invited me home
I cut the strings from my feelings that day
I dropped you off in your driveway,
we both started crying as I drove away
For all the hours we just couldn't see, we'd painted masks
for the other to be and the colors had begun to fade
How much longer before your appearance
fades out of my view? After all, it's been years since
we were drunk watching the barges roll down the bend
The option was there to pretend,
so I volunteered to defend you, the rose to my prince
Sometimes I wonder if you feel as empty as I do
I saw you last August and I could not quite recognize you
And all of my hemming and hawing explained
the incessant gnawing at the back of my brain
and inside of my bones --
that although I set my things down in your foyer,
the walls started caving when I said I'd stay
cause you never invited me home
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5. |
Autopilot [E]
04:41
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Wake up half-past four,
scrape a lump of coal inside a bowl before walking out the door
You light a smoke, the nicotine hits your throat,
you start to choke --
never remembered your body ever feeling so sore
Got the cops called again, they must know you by name
It's all the same old means to an end
You couldn't take a small joke when your methods to cope
were to put me nose-to-nose with your CZ 10
But darling ain't that the dream?
Feel the airwaves screaming with the hum of a million stars
24 seemed obscene, you'd have ditched the whole thing
if you felt you were driving that car
But if anything stuck, it's to run or get fucked,
thought there might be a place you could find in between --
but honey, thoughts are a tarred set of wings,
now sugar, ain't that the dream?
So you wake up in jail, carrying on about an empty Masson
but you can't pay bail
Now you're repeating yourself,
living in a virtual hellscape,
you kill yourself to pay and you pay to get help
But darling ain't that the dream?
Feel the airwaves screaming with the hum of a million stars
24 seemed obscene, you'd have ditched the whole thing
if you felt you were driving that car
But if anything stuck, it's to run or get fucked,
thought there might be a place you could find in between --
but honey, thoughts are a tarred set of wings,
now sugar, ain't that the dream?
So what will it take? Got a high school peak,
two left feet, and a kid past eight
So now you work for the mob, but your dad and your mom
say that's better than 28 with no fucking job
But darling ain't that the dream?
Feel your brainwaves screaming cause they
don't remember who you are
Your day to day seems obscene, you'd have ditched the whole thing
but you knew you weren't driving that car
And if anything's stuck, it's to run or get fucked
thought there might be a place you could find in between --
but honey, thoughts are a tarred set of wings,
now sugar, ain't that the dream?
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6. |
Xmas Party
03:17
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I held your hair at the last Christmas party
in between breaths, you'd tell me your sorry,
then leave me to clean and make your way back to the bar
You planted trees for me, promised me peaches
but you let the roots get choked out with weeds --
is that how you wanted to show me who you really are?
And the love I stand to give somewhere deep between my ribs
is much bigger than you ever could impart
and if I stand alone in the sighs of weary bones,
it's still better than being scrapped for spare parts
My love is not for you to discard
Overstayed welcomes, more empty goodbyes,
you said, 'I'm leaving,' back in mid-July
but the lines came out rehearsed like you'd said them a million times
Cause then in November, you knocked on my door
You couldn't remember just what you left for
The truth could be reduced to what you do with matter
rattling in your mind, in your mind
And the love I stand to give somewhere deep between my ribs
is much bigger than you ever could impart
and if I stand alone in the sighs of weary bones,
it's still better than being scrapped for spare parts
My love is not for you to discard
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7. |
Dandelion
03:26
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It was only until the earth stood still
that I could hear the birds sing.
I could see only then the violet beds, peaking through clover
and rows of dead nettle green.
Wandering through a daydream in blue,
is anything just what it seems anymore?
I just look to the dandelion weeds in the yard,
oh, I'm trying to keep up the fight, but it's hard --
I watch as the poison oak clings to the trees
as I push from my mind that the tree is me
And as long as the grim reaper peers through the screen,
I'll move my gaze to focus on these
The coyotes overtook the Golden Gate Bridge yesterday,
guess we finally got out of their way.
The waters ran clear again, and up around Lake Michigan
the red foxes lay in an especially cerulean April day.
Is the sign of our times a fist or a dime?
And just when these thoughts tangle into my mind
I just look to the dandelion weeds in the yard,
oh, I'm trying to keep up the fight, but it's hard --
I watch as the poison oak clings to the trees
as I push from my mind that the tree is me
And as long as the grim reaper peers through the screen,
I'll move my gaze to focus on these
It was only until the earth stood still that I could hear the birds sing
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Melanie A. Davis Murray, Kentucky
Singer-songwriter from western Kentucky. I sing about me, you, us, and the wild weird world we're currently living in.
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